Searching for my good luck charm

Lately, I’ve become increasingly slack with this whole Secret project.  I’ve only been putting in about half the effort and energy that I really need to, and I’ve only got myself to blame.  I’m letting myself down, and it’s no wonder I’m not happy with the way things are at the moment.

Last night I made the resolution to resume putting all my efforts into this project.  This morning I made myself get up early, and I’m going to go back to my original routine of doing work between the hours of 9 and 5.  And just to clarify, ‘work’ does not mean making virtual hamburgers on the Internet.  It has to be actual, real, productive work.

I’m going to miss that hamburger game.

Today is the last day of February, which means ‘The Secret to Money’ month is coming to an end.  Tomorrow I’ll be moving on to ‘The Secret to Relationships’.  I’ve found February to be really hard.  My thoughts over the last four years have revolved around my lack of money, and I don’t think 28 days is long enough to break these persistent thought patterns.  I do believe it can be done though, and I will continue to work on this over the next few months.

Tomorrow I’ll be adding some more Things to Achieve to my list, so today I want to cross off some of my current ones.  Firstly, “you must focus on the abundance of money that you bring to you” feels like a good way of reminding me to think abundant money thoughts, once February is over.

To help overcome some of the difficulties I have had in changing my thought patterns, I’m also going to set the intention, “I am the master of my thoughts”.

Finally, I think it’s about time I started working on attracting that something small I have mentioned several times, but done nothing about.  I’ve decided to focus on attracting a one cent coin.  Why?  Because when I think of something small, that is what comes to mind.  Also, because one cent coins haven’t been included in New Zealand currency for decades, it is not something that I can easily find. 

There’s one final reason why I’ve chosen a one cent coin:

See a penny

Pick it up

All day long

You’ll have good luck

A Secret disaster

This is where I start to question The Secret.  The Christchurch earthquake on Tuesday brought destruction and devastation to everyone in the Christchurch area.  It is believed that hundreds of people have lost their lives, while others have lost their homes and jobs. 

Attracting a car accident - yes, I believe that is possible.  Attracting money – yes, I believe that is possible too.  But attracting a natural disaster that has destroyed the lives of thousands of New Zealanders - this I don’t understand.

I remembered reading something in The Secret about disasters like this one.  On page 28 (of my 2006 edition) Rhonda Byrne writes:

“Often when people hear this part of the Secret they recall events in history where masses of lives are lost, and they find it incomprehensible that so many people could have attracted themselves to the event.  By law of attraction, they had to be on the same frequency as the event.  It doesn’t necessarily mean they thought of that exact event, but the frequency of their thoughts matched the frequency of the event.  If people believe they can be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and they have no control over outside circumstances, those thoughts of fear, separation, and powerlessness, if persistent, can attract them to being in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

What I understand this to mean is that EVERYONE in Christchurch on Tuesday had to be on the same frequency.  Otherwise the Universe would have directed them to be somewhere else at the time.

The part about being in the wrong place at the wrong time does make some sense to me.  On the news I saw footage of two women who had been going back to their office after lunch when the earthquake struck.  When they got back to their office, they found it was now just a pile of rubble. 

If we believe what The Secret tells us, these two women had to be on a different frequency for the Universe to ensure they were out of the office during the earthquake.  They were saved from being trapped or crushed by the building, but they are still very much affected by the earthquake.  They had to watch as their friends and colleagues were carried out of the building, some with very severe injuries.  Their homes may have been destroyed, and their family members may have been hurt.  Regardless of what frequency they were on and what thoughts they were thinking, their lives have been changed forever because of this event.

Perhaps the earthquake was inevitable, and the Universe had no control over whether or not it happened.  Instead it was able to move individual people depending on their individual thoughts and frequencies.

All I know for certain is that I don’t understand it.  I’m sending all my positive thoughts towards Christchurch; you need them more than I do right now.

Job application, you make me sick

The end of February is approaching, and I still have some money related Things to Achieve to complete before March arrives.  I’m still finding it a little hard to consider myself as being abundant in money, but I’m working on it.  My brain just can’t be tricked into thinking I have lots of money when I know for a fact that I don’t.

I’m no closer to manifesting myself a job either.  I know that no matter how much I ask the Universe for a job, it’s not just going to give me one.  I still have to apply for jobs in order to receive one.  The trouble is, I’m having a hard time applying for jobs right now. 

Yesterday, I had the intention of applying for a few jobs which I’d seen advertised, but as soon as I started to look up the job ads, I started feeling really sick. My stomach started churning and my head was aching.  Interestingly, these symptoms disappeared as soon as I’d stopped attempting to apply for those jobs.

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that the thought of having to go through that whole process again - sending in the application, waiting to hear about an interview, getting an interview, preparing for the interview, waiting to hear if I’ve got the job – makes me physically sick.  Just writing about it is making me feel nauseous.

I don’t know what I can do about any of this, so until I figure it out I’ll work on manifesting myself some money.  I haven’t really utilised the cheque I made for my vision board yet, so I thought I’d tackle this Thing:  “When you look at the cheque, feel the feelings of having that money now.  Imagine spending that money, all the things you will buy and the things you will do.”

Also, because my mind tends to start questioning how I’m going to get this money, and when it’s going to arrive, I thought I’d also focus on this Thing: “It is your job to ask, to believe you are receiving, and feel happy now.  Leave the details to the Universe on how it will bring it about.”

An epiphany while having my annual haircut

I finally tried meditation.  Previously the closest I had come to meditating was sitting outside the Work and Income building at The Mount and pretending to meditate for the amusement of passing pedestrians.  Why?  Because I was 14 and it made sense at the time.

So, to sum up real meditation:  it made me feel sleepy, but that’s ok because I like sleep, and it probably just meant I was relaxed.  Although, the day after I meditated I was in an especially good mood for no apparent reason.  Whether meditation had anything to do with that, I don’t know. 

One thing I can confirm, I will be doing it again.

That’s one more thing I can cross off my Things to Achieve.  I have been working on the Things I mentioned the other day – about feeling good about money.  I was finding this really hard because I really don’t have a lot of it at the moment.  It wasn’t until yesterday, when I was slightly freaking out about having to pay for a haircut, that it occurred to me how I’m supposed to feel good about money. 

These days, I only spend money on things I need (and yes, I did NEED a haircut.  It had been a year since my last one.  Please don’t judge me).  So instead of worrying about the fact that I’m spending my last few precious dollars every time I buy something, I should be focussing on the thing I am buying, and how that makes me happy.

So, I’m very happy with my much needed haircut.  The money I had to spend to get it is irrelevant.  From now on, money = happiness because I’m spending it on things I need, which makes me happy.

Does this make any sense at all outside my head?

Last week I said that I thought I needed to try attracting something small.  I want to start working on this.  As a side note, I find this idea a little baffling.  The Secret states that it is as easy to manifest one million dollars as it is to manifest one dollar.  In other words, it is as easy to attract something big as it is to attract something small.  So why does The Secret also state that I should start by attracting something small?

I suppose it is not my job to question, it is just my job to do.  I’m still thinking up something suitably small to try attracting.  When I do, I’ll let you know how I get on.

Oops, half of February has disappeared

I’ve just realised that it’s half way through February.  I’ve been incredibly slack; I need to start working on more of my Things to Achieve.  I’m supposed to be working on attracting money to me, not worrying about the fact that I don’t have a job and have very little money in my bank account.

So, my missions for today: “You need to go for the inner joy, the inner peace, the inner version first, and then all the outer things appear.”  This is probably the best place to start; it’s hard to focus on attracting money when my brain is blabbing on about how I have no money and how that should make me sad.  This would be the best time to start doing that meditation I talked about weeks ago.  I’ve researched all sorts of different meditation, but I am yet to start using them.

Next, “You have got to feel good about money to attract more to you.”  I’m currently not feeling so good about money, mostly due to my lack of it.  Working on changing this.

Finally, “Start to say and feel, ‘I have more than enough’.  ‘There is an abundance of money and it’s on its way to me.’  ‘I am a money magnet.’  ‘I love money and money loves me.’  ‘I am receiving money every day.’  ‘Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.’”

I’m not feeling very enthusiastic about this.  But unless I actually put the effort in, this thing is never going to work for me.

The letter

It came in the form of a letter.  Short and simple, to the point.

Your application has been considered and I regret you have not been successful on this occasion.

Where did I go wrong?

It’s impossible for me to view my actions objectively.  What I need is a Secret teacher who can guide me, and let me know where I am letting myself down.  They could view the situation as an outsider and let me know where it all turned to crap.  And then they would pick me up off the floor and re-motivate me to keep believing. 

I feel it would be very easy to give up right now.  I can’t say I have as much faith in the Universe as I did a few days ago.  But I can’t give up.  I promised myself I would stick with this thing for six months.  Plus, if I gave up now I’d be right back at the beginning.  No job, and no hope.  At least with this Secret project I have a tiny little ray of hope, even if the brightness of that ray has faded over the last few days.

So for now I’ll just tell myself over and over, until I believe it again: Ask, Believe, Receive.

Ask, Believe, Receive.

Ask, Believe, Receive.

Ask, Believe, Receive.

Excuse me Universe, but I believe I ordered a job

It is now 4.44 PM on the last day that they said I would hear about the job.  I checked with one of my references and no one has contacted her to speak about me either.  Not feeling very promising.

My mum says that if I don’t get this job, it is because the Universe has something else - something better - lined up for me.  I say it feels more like the Universe enjoys screwing me over.  As if the Universe was bored today and wanted to create some entertainment.  I imagine it was sitting up there wherever it lives, feeling all high and mighty, and it said to its neighbour, “hey Jim, watch what happens when I take away this girl’s final hope”.

If only I could blame it on the Universe.  I mentioned a few days ago that I’ve come to accept that everything that happens in my life is my own doing; a result of my thinking.  Trouble is, I really did believe my thoughts were on the right track for this job.

Maybe a job was too big of a thing to manifest this early in the game for me.  In my Things to Achieve it does say that I need to start with something small.  Perhaps this is what I need to do before I can manifest a sparkly new job.

The Secret describes one man who attracted a feather.  For days he visualised a feather with very specific markings, and focussed on attracting it to him.  As he was walking into a building one day, he happened to look down, and there was the exact feather he had been imagining, markings and all.

I think this is what I need to do.  I think I need to imagine something so specific and unique, that if it came to me I would know that I had attracted it.  Then perhaps I can move on to bigger things like a new job.

Waiting attracts more waiting

I was told at my interview last week that I would find out either today or tomorrow about the job.  So while I am expecting my phone to ring today, I’m not waiting for it.  Because waiting for the phone to ring will only attract more waiting for the phone to ring.  It’s just like in He’s Just Not That Into You when she’s sitting by the phone and it continues to not ring.  See, real life is like the movies.

Since I started my Secret project, my mum has been following The Secret as well.  Last weekend she also made a vision board, and on six consecutive occasions has manifested herself a parking space.  It’s actually been really interesting for her to be doing the project alongside me because we can compare results.  It’s helping me to understand that I’m not going crazy, this stuff does actually work.

I think it’s about time I crossed off some more Things to Achieve.  I think by now I can cross “You must get clear about what you want” off.  I did this when I created my vision board, and every subsequent day after where I have visualised myself as already having those things.

I’ve made “Decide right now that you are going to think only good thoughts” an ongoing task.  While I have been trying my hardest to think only good thoughts for the last few weeks, I think I can use this as a reminder.

And finally, a money related Thing.  “To attract money, you must focus on wealth.”  I’ve been diligently looking at things I would like to buy and telling myself I can afford them, and now I’m going to fool myself into thinking there are a few extra zeros on my bank statement.  I’m thinking wealthy thoughts.

Interviews and Cockroaches

That was officially the most successful interview I have ever had.  I followed my mum’s advice, and visualised myself as calm, confident, and competent - and I was!  It was the first time I have ever left an interview feeling like I really have a good chance of getting this job.


I’m now acting as though the job is already mine, just like The Secret states I should.  What’s more, I really do feel like the job is mine.  Hence why I’m crossing off ‘create a more powerful frequency by adding feeling to what I am wanting’ from my Things to Achieve.  Now I just have to wait until next week for them to call me and tell me the job is mine.

On a completely unrelated topic, I think I’m attracting cockroaches.  The other day I found three mammoth sized ones inside my house.  I hate cockroaches.  There’s something about the way that they move really fast and seem to scuttle about that just freaks me out. 

A few days before I found these ones I had a rather traumatic experience involving the discovery of a cockroach in a roll of toilet paper.  Since then I have been extra paranoid about cockroaches, and they seem to be everywhere.

I don’t know what on earth I did to attract that first cockroach to me, but I’m pretty sure that all subsequent cockroaches have been the result of my fear of cockroaches.  I’ve been thinking about how much I don’t want to find more of them, but I’ve actually been attracting more to me.  The Secret says the Universe isn’t biased.  It doesn’t hear “don’t want cockroaches”, it just hears “cockroaches”, and then dutifully brings them to me.

There’s definitely no way I’m going to be able stop my fear of them, but I may be able to convince myself that cockroaches no longer exist.  If they don’t exist, I can’t think about them, and the universe won’t bring me any.

Don't worry, be happy

My job interview is this afternoon.  I’m surprisingly calm.  Normally by now I would be becoming increasingly nervous, but I’ve spent my morning visualising myself being calm, confident, and competent (my mother’s advice).  I have a good feeling about this interview.

I think this means I can cross ‘“Don’t fret and worry...” Know that the things you want will come to you’ off my Things to Achieve list.  I’ve also noticed that I’m not worried about the direction my life is going in anymore either.  One of my biggest fears last year was that my life wasn’t going anywhere, and that this was how I was going to spend the rest of my life – always struggling. 

It wasn’t until yesterday that I noticed I haven’t been worried at all about where my life is going.  I don’t know when I stopped worrying about this, but now I understand that it is because I stopped worrying that things are starting to work out for me.  If I had continued to worry, there wouldn’t be a job interview for me to attend today.

It’s a bit of a complicated idea to get my head around, but it makes so much sense. It means I have to accept that the reason my life was such a mess was because I had made it that way through my negative thinking.  There’s no point blaming the Universe for my misfortune because it was only bringing me what I asked for.

The good news is that now that I know all of this, I can change my thinking patterns, and change my life.  I think securing myself a job through today’s interview is an excellent way to start.

February is Money Month!

The Secret to Money!  This month’s focus is on attracting money to me.  An appropriate theme, considering I have a job interview this week.  I’ve added 12 new Things to Achieve to my list, all of which are going to help me attract some money.

The first thing I’m going to start with is: “For the next thirty days, make it your intention that you are going to look at everything you like and say to yourself, I can afford that.  I can buy that.”  I suspect that this will actually be fun.  I can’t think of a time when I have ever had enough money to buy whatever I wanted.  Now I can, even if it is only in my imagination.

There is another thing which I feel I can cross of my list today.  That is “Give money in order to bring more of it into your life.”  I already donate money to various charities and not-for-profit organisations, so I feel that I have already achieved this. 

This week I also want to start looking into meditation techniques.  Every teacher in The Secret uses meditation, and I am supposed to be doing three to ten minutes of it each day as a means of quieting my mind, and learning to control my thoughts.

Sometimes it feels like my brain is cohabitating with a bird sanctuary that specialises in especially squawky birds.  There is SO MUCH NOISE going on in there.  If meditation is going to let me have a few minutes of quiet each day, then it is something I definitely want to work on.